Pokemon GO Hate, Piss, and Vinegar [Vlog]
Pokemon GO Hate

This video may have been ill-advised as I decided to do it out of a whim after seeing so many people showing some form of contempt for Pokemon GO, as many do when something becomes popular all of a sudden. What I came up with is more of a plea to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Mind you, I know it’s mostly pointless to convince dicks on the Internet to not be dicks, but at least I get a video out of it.

Pokemon GO has yet to release here in the Philippines. Meanwhile, investors are currently having doubts on how Nintendo is earning money with the game, despite its mainstream popularity, due to realizing that Nintendo didn’t make the game. I would’ve thought that they knew of Niantic being the developer before they put their eggs in that basket, but perhaps they just jumped the gun without taking a closer look.

Transcript

NOTE: This was the script I used, but it has certain things I cut from the final video and doesn’t have what I ad-libbed in during recording.

Greetings. Avoider here reporting with a vlog on Pokemon Go and my reaction to people’s reactions to it.

I personally am not going to play Pokemon Go, but not because I’m not a Pokemon fan. In fact, I’m playing Pokemon Diamond right now; had this cart for a very long time and I should finish it.

[talk about other pokemon games]

But Pokemon SONNY GO, on the other hand. Well, that’s a game I play 24/7. GIT GUD

Anyway, I don’t have a good enough mobile device to play Pokemon Go, and I have no plans to buy a new one anytime soon. I’ve also tried playing Ingress and didn’t like it. I thought augmented reality gaming would be my jam because of its cyberpunk-iness, but I ended up not liking it that much. I’ll stick with sitting down to play my games for now.

Pokemon Go will be out soon here in the Philippines (as of this recording), and I’ll have fun watching you dweebs play it. All in good spirit; I hope you all have fun. But the real reason why I want to talk about it is because of those who have been and will be knocking people for playing it.

It’s granted that people who’ll be playing Pokemon Go here will most likely be having too much fun to care about those who’re sour about it, but many of them have been and will be broadcasting their feelings on social media. That’s where the two lines intersect, and that’s where I come in with a plea for those by-products of yeast infection to knock it off and keep your sour grapes to yourself, at least in social media.

Mind you, this is most likely a pathetic and ultimately futile attempt, but fuck it. I ll rant and get to make a video out of it, so suck on this.

There are these people spending ye olde sweet time on social media, acting upon their generous spirit by reminding people on how stupid this new popular thing is. Okay, there’s indeed some stupid shit with Pokemon Go like trespassing and general public disturbance. Then again, there’s also stupid shit in both left and right wing politics, and whatever “relevant bullshit” you haters like to spout about. Anything can be stupid when taken the wrong way.

But the Pokemon Go phenomenon has taken Nintendo—a floundering gaming company as of late that I feel is still stuck in the past—into the stratosphere once again. This is a product that, unfortunately in my point of view, has validated their investment in the mobile market. With both Pokemon Go and the impending release of Pokemon Sun and Moon, they stand to earn big. If you’re hating AND don’t own Nintendo stock, you’re the real idiot. Hey, money makes hypocrisy null and void, right?

I’m very cynical when it comes to mobile gaming, so I should be in the “Pokemon Go is stupid” camp. However, I’m not that big of an asshole as to suggest that its very existence is the pinnacle of stupidity. No, there are tons more stupid shit than that. In fact, Pokemon Go has just taken AR gaming into the mainstream, and should serve as a catalyst for future innovation on AR technology, so I’m looking forward to that. Now if only hardware can catch up to it.

What’s indeed stupid are all the people calling it stupid. “I don’t play Pokemon Go because I’m a mature adult.” Well, either you’re just a pretentious asshole being… a pretentious asshole, or you may be getting hair in your ears now. I mean, you may be showing your age. As in, you’re starting to have a bit of that “get off my lawn” thing going on there.

Let’s take a closer look at this phenomenon. Douglas Adams, the late great author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, laid down this theory on technology acceptance at various ages.

[show douglas adams tech chart]

Based from that, I came up with my own chart—the “Get Off My Lawn” chart. Disclaimer—it’s mostly based on conjecture; no real scientific data to go with it. But I’ll explain, and you may find that it makes some sense.

[show get off my lawn chart]

It may be hypothetical data, but you may find the totality of these points to be rather hard to refute.

But it’s more than just being old, this whole “I can’t believe that they be so stupid” thing. It’s been going on forever; when everyone else listened to boy bands, you’re in the corner listening to Slipknot and hating the world. Are you still a teenager in your head, stuck with that old mindset?

Perhaps I’m doing this vlog to try understanding how people can put a surprising amount of energy into hating on shit. Then again, maybe it’s just because social media has given ordinary people the power to broadcast their feelings about everything, no matter how ridiculous and baseless their opinions may be. I don’t know if the whole hating on Pokemon Go thing is similar to a lot of the populist fuckery going on all over the world, but there are some parallels.

If you’re gonna hate on shit, at least be sensible about it. You complain about people being too sedentary in this day and age, but you’re also complaining now about how stupid Pokemon Go players look when they’re walking around outside. Hold on, you’re mature adults, right? Then come on, chop chop, make up your mind. Is it good these kids are going outside or not?

But.. but… but they look so stupid while doing it.

Like this guy? [show crocop playing pokemon go] Mind you, that’s legendary kickboxer and MMA fighter Mirko CroCop looking for Pokemon in the airport. He’s having fun with it. You think you can judge him? He elbowed the shit out of his last opponent and left high kicked many others over the years into oblivion. He’s a grown man, he’s fairly successful, and he can do what he wants. Because right leg hospital, left leg cemetery.

You think you’re better than him? I don’t know about that.

There’s the whole thing about it being a CIA conspiracy and all that, but that’d only be feasible if Pokemon Go servers aren’t having such a hard time in the first place. There’s that thing with the game being able to access too much stuff on your Google account, but that’s been fixed. Maybe you’re looking for reasons to hate on this thing that’s outside of your own understanding.

Why not make good use of the whole thing instead? Businesses and other establishments have been taking advantage of the boom, even churches that have become Pokemon gyms. Like this one.

[show pokemon gym church notice]

Why not just turn a perceived negative into a positive, or maybe just… shut the fuck up?

But maybe it’s just the banality of the whole thing. How could people make such a fuss about such a banal and ultimately trivial thing? Don’t these dweebs have more productive things to do with their lives?

Then again, you’re the same people who tweeted about how LeBron James is still a crybaby, Steph Curry’s shoes are lame, Kevin Durant is weak for doing what he did, Taylor Swift is getting her comeuppance for once, the new Ghostbusters is lame because of SJW bullshit, the old Star Trek is better than the new Star Trek…

Look within yourself, you know it to be true. Whoever you are, you’re into some banal shit too.

It’s something I’ve always wanted to point out in a video, and I get to do it now.

It’s recreation and entertainment. In the end, it’s all banal anyway. And that’s absolutely fine.

You can go on about having “good taste,” but that’s a topic for another vlog.

In any case, the fact of the matter is everyone needs a hobby. Whether it’s Pokemon Go, collecting Starbucks stickers, building a home theater system to play standard definition video, buying exercise equipment and having them collect dust in the corner of your room, flaming strangers on the Internet who go against your poltiical ideology, or so on, everyone needs a hobby. For most people, it’s what keeps them from turning into emotional wrecks.

I’m not saying you should go a complete 180 and start complimenting Pokemon Go players whenever you see them; that’s like giving Candy Crush or Angry Birds players a “good job” when those games were the in-thing—that’s kinda ridiculous. All I’m saying is that maybe you have better things to do.

Or maybe not because if you have time to berate people who do things you don’t really agree with but don’t directly harm other people either, then you may not be doing anything productive (outside of work) in the first place.

Hey, come on. It’s a mobile game, not a character flaw. What a lot of people out there are saying is that if you follow or partake in something that’s even remotely ridiculous—Pokemon Go, pro wrestling, anime, video games, American football, golf, curling, stamp collecting, whatever—you’re a degenerate who ought to be judged.

It’s Pokemon Go, not stealing stuff… or third wave feminism. (Although that latter case could be argued.)

When you find a Magikarp in the middle of the street, you see the potential of it becoming a Gyarados, not police brutality. Not drug trafficking. Not graft and corruption. Just a kid tossing a virtual pokeball at a virtual fish pokemon.

Come on, live a little.

Look, I do understand where you haters are coming from. I was once like you who couldn’t stand the morons around me; I assure you that I still think they’re morons. However, while a part of me does think it’s all stupid (then again, I think getting drunk is stupid as well), I’ve learned over time that telling other people what to do with a holier-than-thou attitude probably isn’t the best investment of my time and energy, even if it’s done during my spare time.

There’s such a thing as “productive idle time,” in a way. You’re free to do whatever you want in your spare time, whether you sleep because you work 10-12 hour days; you work on your startup because you’re Elon Musk Jr., in which case you wouldn’t have time to troll on social media anyway; read a book; go to the gym; be a creep on Facebook; whatever. If you’re able to get something out of it, AND not harm other people in the process (that leaves stalking and other unscrupulous behavior out), then it should be all good.

Everything is negative with you fuckers. We’ve gone through bell bottoms, Soviet Russia and the Cold War, hammer pants, boy bands, Tamagotchi, Y2K, bling bling, hipsters, selfies, taking pictures of food, taking selfies with food, Undertale. To you, anything and everything is cancer. Why? Why is everything a disease to you? Nothing is ever positive, and everything looks stupid to you.

If such trivialities trigger reactions from you that are bordering nervous breakdowns, maybe you have a problem. Maybe you need professional help. Maybe you need a hobby. Like… like Pokemon Go..?

Well, to hell with that, whatever I just said must have made no sense and fallen on deaf ears, but count this as this channel’s official entry in the global “don’t be a dick” library. Don’t be a dick; that’s the whole message here. Isn’t that right? Live and let live; isn’t that a good message?

On the other hand, for those who are playing or will be playing, please take care. Have sensible fun that’s safe and sane. The great outdoors isn’t without its dangers, after all. In the case of the Philippines, we have hunting and killing going on for realsies, so maybe stay indoors during nighttime? Even if there’s ghost pokemon out there?

Alright, I’ll leave it at that. Play nice, kids. Till next time, stay tore. Avoider out.

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